March taught me the toughest lesson that I truly needed to learn. Here’s how it went down.
We had some pretty crazy weather this month over on the East Coast. There were some days it was 70 degrees so I officially broke out my Birkenstock sandals and was ready for Spring. Then the temperature dropped and we got hit with a snow storm. That week I had time off from massaging and didn’t teach a single class. It was nice having some time off, especially from massaging. I could feel effects of wear and tear on my body. In my time off I did a lot! I went to the flower show in Philadelphia, caught up with friends, ran from place to place to place. I had fun.
Then Saturday night I plowed through 5 massages in a row. Mentally I was ready for this shift but physically I was not. Even though I was hydrated and ate well, by the last two massages I had the most horrible splitting headache. I sobbed on the car ride home and plopped on my bed weeping from pain. Then Sunday night I had throbbing pain in my left ear which turned out to be an ear infection! From Saturday to Tuesday I was out of commission. I couldn’t massage and didn’t teach Monday night or Tuesday. I pretty much laid in bed all day eating clementines and binge watched Narcos on Netflix.
It sounds glamorous but I was miserable. I hated that I had to take off work. I felt like I was inconveniencing my co-workers, clients, and students. I hated that I wasn’t making money. Wednesday I started feeling better- not 100% but I didn’t want to push off working anymore. I taught a class Wednesday and Thursday. I was scheduled to massaged Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. Sunday I felt fucking done. I was exhausted. Why did I think taking on so many shifts was a good idea? I was so tired of giving and not having anything left to give to myself.
I realized I was never going to be able to actually slow down unless I changed my schedule. I also knew that I wanted to teach more corporate classes and massage a lot less. My body doesn’t take on nearly as much physically or mentally when I teach. It can be tiring, but not as tiring as massaging. I feel like teaching is my calling. So I cut down two days of massage so that 1) I could have some time to myself and 2) This would open my schedule up for more corporate clients for yoga. I knew it in my bones that this was the right decision.
This week I got a 90 minute massage. I went to yoga. This morning I floated and now I’m sitting at a vegan cafe with Mike eating delicious vegan treats writing this new entry. I’m starting to feel normal again and I’m happy. I’m slowly getting a hold on my worth as a person. I know I’m worthy of time to myself. I can give back to myself without severe feelings of guilt.
You’re allowed to have a bad day. You’re allowed to have a bad week. It’s okay. It’s all okay in the end.